Driving in Joburg

Give the "black taxis" a wide berth!

The toughest adjustment I've made so far living in South Africa has got to be the driving. Since South Africa was once a British Commonwealth nation, you guessed it, the driving is done on the left side of the road with the driver on the right side of the car. Luckily I have driven before Brit-style in the UK and Ireland, down under in Australia and even in the Caribbean on some islands on vacation so I am not completely green, but it is an adjustment. And of course the car which Vince leased for me is a manual transmission. 

Now I learned on a manual transmission on my first car, a Fiat Spider, and preferred it for years buying only manual cars until I had kids. Then I felt I needed two hands, one to steer and one in case I needed to replug a pacifier or give someone an attitude adjustment in the back seat while driving. Most of the cars I’ve rented outside the United States have had a manual transmission including the British versions. They are standard unless you specifically ask and I never remember to ask. So once again I was not totally wet behind the ears.

But put them both together and it takes an enormous amount of concentration and I am not really at the point yet where it is truly second nature. The most dangerous thing is to stop concentrating and let your instinct take over. The other day I was turning right onto a multi-lane street and the lane I was turning into was so small and so camouflaged by the traffic waiting to come out in the opposite direction that as I turned in, it looked to me as if I was entering a one-way street the wrong way. I panicked and swerved off going straight into oncoming traffic on the wrong side of the street. Luckily there was no traffic coming or else it would have been an instant head-on collision. In this case instinct is not your friend and unfortunately I have a lot of years of driving instinct to overcome.

But most of the time I do okay. There are a few idiosyncrasies however to Joburg driving that also add to the fun:

1.  The "black taxi" Toyota vans should be given a very wide berth. They are called that because they are mostly used by the local mostly black Africans. Watch out! They do not play well with others. They make NY taxis look like driver’s ed schoolboys. They stop often to pick up more passengers and toot on their horns incessantly to attract even more passengers. They stop in the middle of the lane and pull out and cut you off like they are the only ones on the road and they are masters of my favorite move, the Jersey Slide. That is where you cut across four lanes of traffic perpendicularly never slowing up and almost straight across. It is the same move one must use in NJ pulling out on Route 22 and then cutting across three lanes to u-turn at the next jug handle or when you get on Route 1 & 9 going south from Route 22 and then have to immediately cut across four lanes of traffic to get off for the Newark Airport exit. Same thing except in the other direction, left to right. But as opposed to NJ, they definitely do not look to see if there is anyone in the road who may not be on board with this move so watch out!
2. Humps or speed bumps are very popular to calm traffic speed. And their size is not consistent. Some are normal and some are gargantuan so you have to slow down the same for all. You hit one of the gargantuan humps at a decent clip and you can do some serious damage to your car.
3. You can make a left on red as long as there is a little left-hand jug handle. If it is a straight intersection where you would just make a regular left turn, don’t do it. There are no signs which tell you this. You just need to observe and learn.
4. They love their speed cameras. And they are not always mounted on poles. Luckily my GPS has a little speed camera alarm. People sit on lawn chairs in the middle of the divider or on the side of the road with a speed camera in their hands and point it at the traffic.
5. At every light you are greeted by people selling fruit, brooms, electronics, newspapers, advertising

   

   do you need your thatch brushed?

   retirement properties, thatch brushing and spa treatments, collecting garbage, begging or looking for work. They are for the most part quite good-natured and I never feel threatened. You can pretty much just wave them away, but it does get tiresome. 
6. Traffic lights or "robots" as they are called here are frequently out sometimes for days. Sometimes you get traffic guards who direct traffic but most of the time, even the very large intersections become four-way stops. The good news is that the drivers are fairly respectful and the traffic actually moves in a very organized way.
7. Turning arrows in the intersections blink when you are expected to go. They do not just turn on solid green so don't wait for it. Go on the blinking arrow.
8. Joburg is the land of the Mall. After 50+ years living in NJ, the other land of the Mall, I can say we were bush league. These malls are HUGE and so are the parking lots. It is going to take me a while to figure out where to park to enter where I want to shop but that is a whole other topic. The lots all have "parking guards", friendly helpers who show you where to park and help you back out of the space when you want to leave. Particularly helpful when you are still green on the whole left-side / right-side driving thing. I think they are the same thieves who used to target parked cars who were then hired by the malls and shopping centers to guard the very same cars they used to steal. Very clever really! But you are expected to tip them, anywhere from R2 to R5 depending on whether they help you load the boot with your groceries. They will also wash your car while you are shopping for a small fee.

They say you know when you are fluent in another language when you dream in that language. I know some day I will dream on the wrong side of the road but for now I am still concentrating really really hard.